The No. 1 way to get more respect at work: ‘I’ve been teaching it for decades,’ says leadership expert

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By: Scott Mautz

Think of the difference between being in a job where you have the respect of your coworkers, and one where you don’t. The latter can undermine everything you’re working for and quickly sour an otherwise good experience.

If this is where you’re at — or you worry it could end up there — know that before you change jobs, you can change your approach. You can earn the respect of your peers, managers, and reports.

Start by asking yourself these critical questions:

• What can I give to earn respect?

• What can I resist to earn respect?

• What can I exude to earn respect?

I call this the Give-Resist-Exude framework for respect, and I’ve been teaching it for decades. Earning respect will also take a little mental strength and fortitude, something I’ve been studying for more than 30 years and wrote about in my recent book, “The Mentally Strong Leader.”

If you want to be more respected, you must do these three basic things: 

1. Give

If you make a habit of giving more than you get, you’ll earn respect. Here are some of the most universally appreciated ways of doing so:

• Be generous with your time and knowledge. Help people solve problems, overcome obstacles, and navigate difficult circumstances. For example, let’s say your coworker is nervous about an upcoming big presentation. You happen to be

  good at public speaking, so you help them practice.  

• Give others that extra 10% effort, always. Think of that smiling coffee barista or hardworking waiter you see giving that extra effort — you can’t help but respect that. Do the same in your own interactions. 

• Offer praise and credit liberally. Research shows that expressing gratitude has a tremendous, positive ripple effect on others — one that can heighten their appreciation of and respect for you. 

• Share your point of view— and back it up with data. 

• Take the time to give feedback. Remember that specific feedback is more credible and meaningful than vague cheerleading. 

• Show others respect. Doing so dramatically increases the likelihood you’ll receive respect in turn. 

2. Resist 

Respect comes from what you don’t engage in, too. Here are surefire ways to resist that will fuel respect:

• Resist taking credit.

  I’m not talking about being a martyr. But when the opportunity comes to share who did what behind that achievement, make it about them, not you. People will still know you played a role in the success, and will respect you more for putting others in the spotlight.

• Avoid gossiping about coworkers. Instead, engage in “positive gossip.” For example, the next time you have the opportunity to brag about something great a coworker did, do it. Not only is it good for the culture, but it will also eventually get back to that person that you were talking about them in a positive light. You get a “double-dip” of respect this way.

• Don’t get pulled into negativity. As I point out in “The Mentally Strong Leader,” staying positive is a choice in today’s frequently pessimistic and divided world. Remember that optimism fuels forward progress and often stands out. It may even be admired because the default is so often the opposite.  

3. Exude  

You can earn respect if you habitually demonstrate:

• Professionalism and mastery: Always show up having done your homework. Make sure you know who your audience is, what they need to know and experience, and how you plan to offer that to them. 

• Transparency: Few things are more transparent than a lack of transparency. Human beings are attuned to this. When you’re not honest, trust evaporates and respect exits stage left. Instead, be open about why you make decisions, share feedback, and operate without hidden agendas. 

• Authenticity: People want to know they’re getting the real you. So show up with honesty, integrity, and vulnerability. Behave in a genuine and approachable manner. Act consistently with your values.

• Accountability with compassion: When someone makes a mistake, it’s easy to scold or take a harsh stance. Instead, hold others, and yourself, accountable, but do so with compassion and empathy.

• Confidence and collaboration: Believe in yourself, and that the whole is made greater by the sum of its parts. Consistently demonstrating balance between the two is like a respect-magnet. 

When you focus on what you can give, resist, and exude, respect will flow your way.